IN SEARCH OF A GOOD MAN
There are good men everywhere. Your task must be to find a man with a proper mixture of good external and internal virtues. If you keep your wits about you, you'll be successful. However, if you aren't careful, you'll end up with a huge mistake with possibly disastrous consequences.
To begin with, I divide men into two groups.
Group One Men:
God bless them, for a variety of sad reasons, they are incapable of emotional sharing. This gets worse! They will seldom, if ever, see or even acknowledge the validity of your emotional needs. Life for a woman with these characters is a perennial case of Cerebral Succotash and relentless heartache. Sad to say, things even get worse. They will then provide a similarly emotionally toxic experience to your children who will be tomorrow's relationship basket cases.
Group Two Men:
These men express and acknowledge emotions in a healthy way. However, they are not sissies! They are just more complete human beings and will allow your life expression to coexist. Probably, the best thing about these guys is not only their ability to express their own needs and feelings, but that they actually know how to listen to and acknowledge yours! This must be your prerequisite for choosing a man who'll have such a major role in your life experience and the emotional development of your children's hearts.
One Good Man
Here are the guidelines for differentiating between a good man of value or the guy who turns out to be "fool's gold" and trashes your heart-and possibly your whole life.
Enter the relationship slowly. Be genuine, but be curious about his emotional style and his pre-existing emotional relationships. It can easily take up to three months to truly get an accurate picture of a man's real inner self (or lack thereof).
Watch his other relationships! Does he have healthy male friends? Does he participate in his family's functions? Is he "nuts about" his nephews and nieces?
Watch how he cares for his own body. If he has self-defeating habits of diet, alcohol, slovenliness or poor general self-care, this will probably be how he'd care for you and your children. Alcohol misuse is unacceptable. Smoking, in today's age of medical awareness, is tantamount to being a "Suicidal Drug Addict"-I mean really, set your sites a great deal higher.
Watch the level of intensity that he devotes to pursuing you. Men are great at pursuing women. So many of us have many great "moves" during courtship. They can be dazzling! Always remember, any fool can fall in love. The hard part is having the temperament and ability to nurture that love over the long haul.
Don't be dazzled by extremes. Any guy that seems too good to be true invariably is "robbing Peter to make Paul look good".
Avoid a man who's emotionally too attached to an ex-spouse or lover, children or his parents. A man must be developmentally "fit for duty" and not just partially there. A man on "the rebound" is a disaster waiting to happen. Don't let him happen to you. A good rule of thumb is that a person should wait at least one month for each year that the prior relationship existed before initiating a new couple. Also, did he grow from the experience or does he carry a resentful "victim number" about his ex?
Seek a man with balance in his life. A good balance of work, love and activities that reflect self worth. Never take a man on as a "fixer upper" project. And by all means, never think that you'll change his self-defeating ways when you have snagged him. It never works out! If you want to really see a guy clearly, size him up right now as you see him. Ask yourself "If he never changes, is he good enough right now to hold my heart and to honor the developmental process of my kid's hearts? This is a pass-fail question. If there's a fail. Get out! Do not gamble, especially if it's in your heart to be a mother. Why would you gamble with your future children's hearts?